Sometimes, I wish I could see the future, but then again, when you see what’s gunna happen, you know what to do and who to befriend, and what to strive for, and how to get places. So part of me says its fun finding out those things. I know the hurt along the way teaches you lessons, therefore impacting your decisions in the future, though I wish there was an easier way. But I’d just want to know if i’ll be happy, ya know? But I guess if you just go to the future for a little bit and what you see comes off to seem happy, then you’ll just do what you want, hoping that’s what led to the happiness and the vision you saw when you peered into the future doesn’t end up changing. But I think after I’ve seen the future, it’d always be in the back of my mind to do things right so it turns out the way I saw it to be. If what I saw, however, was concrete one hundred percent true and unchangable, then I’d pay whatever it took to see the future.

Also, if I say I want happiness, I guess that depends what you define happiness is. You can be divorced and sick and dying and still manage to be happy, right? I mean, if you really have love in your heart after all that, you’re happy. That’s what I see happiness as. And love in my heart is always there in Christ. So I guess I’m happy, and as long as I don’t stray from faith, I’ll continue to be happy. Which somewhat takes me to my next point.

If I were to stray from faith, what would become of me? Would I be lost? Would I even care? I hope I would. I hope the guilt I feel now just thinking about it stays with me, because Jesus died for me and I know that, and I don’t want to forget that later in life, which is very very possible. It’s happened to people who are close to me, and it scares me to death. I wish everyone could just see the truth, even if what I believe now isn’t truth, though I strongly believe it is. But then again, if everyone knew the truth, what would be the point? I mean, if everyone were strong Christians, wouldn’t God just take us up to heaven? I guess that’s just what He’s waiting for. He knows, though. He can see the future. I envy that perfection.

Perfection on Earth would be horrible though. I mean, aside from Jesus Christ coming to Earth. If there were perfect people and imperfect people, that’d be bad for the imperfect people. They’d know that other people can always find better because there actually IS perfection out there. Another imperfect person can fall in love with them, though. But what would happen if a perfect person fell in love with them? What would happen? Maybe the perfect person is envious of the imperfection. Maybe, just maybe, they want what they can’t have. Is that a sin? To WANT to be imperfect if you’re already perfect? I guess it is, I mean, Adam and Eve were perfect, then they fell into sin. But if that never happened, if just Eve did it, not Adam, and they continued to have children. There would be a mix between perfection and imperfection. I suppose God had a plan. Well, I know God has a plan. I just have to continue to trust in him that my future will be happy and successful.

Sin always comes into the picture, causing unhappiness, however. Causing hurt, confusion, mental and physical woes. Now I’m thinking how terrible it is that humanity ate that apple. I mean, it was easily avoidable. Unless, God wanted us to sin. I mean, I know that he wants us to have free will, but maybe he WANTED us to sin. So our life can be filled with hurt so that when true happiness comes along, we know truely what it feels like. You need darkness to know what light is. You need mental confusion to know clairity and normality.

Then again, what exactly is normality? Would it go back far enough to mean perfection? So, technically no one can be normal. So why do we strive for it? Why do we make fun of people for being “different” and not normal? That’d be like saying “Oh, you’re not perfect, let’s pick on you!” all the while knowing that you’re not perfect yourself, which is wrong in both meanings.

I guess there’s only one thing you can do, which is put trust in God. That seems very difficult for me sometimes, though. Who knows what’s going to happen. Maybe I’ll end up happy in my future even if I’m miserable all of my earthly life, but still faithful. But would God allow that? For a faithful person to be miserable all the time? I don’t think so. I mean, unless we’ve never felt purely miserable, which is true. I mean, you’ve never went to hell to know and feel the full on hopelessness of being without God. Therefore, how can you know the opposite? Have we ever been happy? Maybe we’ve just been content, stuck in the medium. Maybe that medium has a large range, from a low medium, which would be like sadness, to a very high medium, being what we know as happiness.

After all this, it seems as if a glimpse into the future would be pointless…